November 27, Paris, France.
It should have been so wonderful, the cream of the trip, after the South of France, where I grew up, full of memories finally shared, Bordeaux and our circus friends, and the Loire chateaux all drafts and stones in a fitting shroud of cold gloomy weather, it should have been the coronation of the first trip to France for Fridman, his first step outside the United States since finally gaining his green card.
Our Paris stay was all that and then a bitter disappointment. It was an illusion shattered, and I was left with a bitter feeling of shame and treachery. The free country where I grew up, the country that bills itself, still, "France, land of asylum," looking down on my husband as one more intruder to be suspicious of, his skin being of the wrong - still! here! - color.
Following: conversations with Edgar, my friend Anne's husband, born and raised in Colombia, living in France for sixteen years now and still reeling under daily nags and inconveniences, from police to waiters, and the rest of my illusions disappearing like my breath in the cold cold Paris air of this winter of my comforts.
Paris blues, my French shame.
Where to now?
3 comments:
Where to now? To home, you.
Ultimately, its seemed to me, that we must find a home in we. Make a nest in our ideals, our ideas, in our level of self acceptance. Ignoring, or attempting to change, the ideals of others where we find them unjust.
I don't know what your upbringing was like or how it truly differs from what you found today. I think that it must be painful to find that what you perceived or believed is not, or no longer, real.
The world, and we are always moving. Always gathering and always giving up. We are learning and we are abandoning. We are changing at different intervals and in differing ways.
We need to keep our sense of self, our ideals, and live there happily no matter what others may feel about the life we make.
This treatment that Friedman has suffered is wrong, and we can rally against it, and should. (and as someone of "ethinic" look I can identify with his and your experiences.)
Try to find an inner place of love and acceptance as you search for an outer one of the same. Hopefully others can look to you and learn. Hopefully others are out there that will give you the greater love and respect you deserve.
I'm happy for the love and wonder you did find.
I just came across this and thought it fit.
"Your car is Japanese. Your pizza is Italian. Your beer is German. Your wine is Spanish. Your democracy is Greek. Your coffee is Brazilian. Your tea is Chinese. Your watch is Swiss. Your fashion is French. Your shirt is Indian. Your shoes are Thai. Your radio is Korean. Your vodka is ...Russian. And you complain about your neighbor being ...an ...immigrant?" Copy this if you are against racism.
Loved the quote, right on indeed.
Merry Christmas to all, may you find the true spirit of Christmas, that of peace, respect and love for all living things, and joy galore!
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