Feeling lost.

August 24, Salt Lake City.
it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to be in the circus.
Being a Mom in the circus, being pregnant in the circus, while being a Mom, the constant pressure of traveling, even when it's not such a voyage as the one we just did, the work it entails, the never stopping to rest, not even one day, in all those months, it's not just the baby, who now that he is crawling demands constant attention and confines me in the trailer most of time, making me feel like s prisoner in my own home, it is everything at the same time, and now feeling sick. It is the isolation, too, the friends far away, my support group of the mind and heart, my friends, far away, out of reach most of the time. The smile of Dylan, his laugh, his being, are not enough sometimes, sometimes it is simply too hard to bear, and I feel as if I can't go on, can't summon the strength to go on any further here traveling with the circus.